Keep Your Guard Up
by nottheonlyfanaround
Summary: "I Can't Help But Love You, Even Though I Try Not To." "But You Don't Give A DAMN About Me!"
1. Prologue

8 years old:

A young girl sat in the garden. It was raining, though she could care less. Her parents had guests over, but she found most of them boring. Her older brother had a crush on the second oldest of the children. Akito Ootori. She found their games foolish and boring though. She liked sitting in the garden better. The Ootori family and the Yaminozowa family had been friends and business partners for the longest of times. The Girl's father had gone to school with Mr. Ootori, they had started their businesses at the same time, and were equally as successful. "What are you doing Saku?" A cold calculating voice had startled the girl out of her thoughts. This voice belonge to the third Ootori Son. Kyoya Ootori. His tone was harsh, he enjoyed her company. But he was also a perfectionist. He thought sitting in the rain was foolish. He couldn't understand how she liked it. Mrs. Ootori and Mrs. Yaminozowa always said the two would be a perfect couple. Kyoya liked to disagree. Saku had a crush on Kyoya, though she would never admit it.

12 years old:

Saku sat by her mothers bed. Her mother was in the Hospital, she was sick. The Doctors said she would get better. But Saku knew they were lying. She could read the emotion on people's faces. And the emotion on the doctor's faces when they looked at her. Was pity. How Saku hated pity. It was all people looked at her with. Know was different though. Her mother was dying. She had seconds left to live, and she was saying goodbye. Her father was too busy to attend, he had Suon with him. Suon and Akito were a couple, though they didn't tell their fathers. "Saku dear, you musn't cry. Show no one your tears unless you trust them." Her mother had spoken. Saku stopped crying. "You must always smile, let no one know what you really feel." Her mother had instructed. Saku gave a weak, fake smile. Her mother couldn't tell it was fake, no one could. "Good Girl." Her mother said. She gave a weak smile, and then, her heart stopped beating. Saku choked back a sob. Put a smile on her face, and walked out. She couldn't believe her mother was gone. Her limo took her back home, where she was met by her father and brother. Saku started walking towards the stairs. "So?" He father's cold voice had asked. She had stopped in her tracks. "She said she loves you very much. And She's going to miss you." She said. She was about to cry, when she remembered what her mother had said. She forced a smile on her face. And then she ran to her room. Only letting the tears fall once they hit the pillow.

14 years old:

It had been two years since her mother's death. To most she was doing exceptionally well. But on the inside she was dying. She felt like a piece of her heart was missing. When the Ootori Family came over her father would say that Mrs. Yaminozowa was simply on vacation. Things got worse though, as her brother became extremely ill, and was sent to the hospital. He had graduated Ouran Academy with Akito a year ago. And both were in an amazing relationship. Their Father's still had no clue. Saku was again in the rain, this time to hide the tears. "You'll catch a cold." Came Kyoya's cold voice. "I like it out here. You may go inside if you like." Had came her reply. He had scoffed and went inside. His mother died the next week. He was cold, cruel and vile to Saku. His mother was his life, and he had lost that. Saku had lost her mother, and could very well lose her brother. Losing a friend was just another thing to cry about later.

16 Years old:

Saku had been trained as a proper lady, though was forced to cut her hair. She was told she would attend Ouran Academy with Kyoya this year. A year late. She was exceptionally smart though, and would be able to catch up quickly.


	2. Starting Today You're a Host!

I wake up to some chatter. There isn't much though, it's rarely loud here. Not since Mom died and Brother became ill. I let out a sigh and swing my legs out of bed. _First Day._ I take my appearance in. My boy short red hair, my blue eyes, and my smile. It's so fake I could vomit. Everyone believes it, everyone but Brother.

He says my smile to him is like a desperate cry for help. In a way it kind of is. I hear a knock on my door. "Miss! It's time for me to get you ready for school." My maid calls. I sigh and wipe the bitter expression off my face. I put on a smile and open the door.

"Miss, you take a bath, I'll lay out your uniform." My maid, Yuwa, says. I smile, throwing in a fake laugh. "Kay! Thanks Yuwa!" I say, running into my bathroom. I clean myself off, wrapping a towel around myself as I step out of the shower. I look at my face in the mirror. _I could pass off as a guy._

I take one look at the outfit on my bed and sweatdrop. It's the Ouran Uniform all right. But, it's the male uniform. "Your father thought you could pass off as a boy. And you would make more friends this way." Yuwa says. _Mom would have fought him on it._

I smile. "It's fine, it'll be fun!" I say, a bright smile, fake smile, but bright smile, on my face. "You'll have to wrap your chest…" Yuwa says, a small frown on her face. "What chest, there isn't anything there." I hear a voice from the doorway. It's father, his tone is cold, stern.

He isn't wrong, I don't have much of a chest. When I wear baggy clothes, I get though of as a guy. It's rather sad to think about. A real blow to my pride. Not that I have much pride anyway. "In this uniform sir, she would be found out as a girl. In no time. It wouldn't do well for-" Yuwa gets cut off by a hand over her mouth.

"That's enough. She can get dressed on her own." Father says. He drags Yuwa out of the room. Slamming the door on his way out. I sigh, wrapping my chest in bandages. I slip on the pants, they, like the rest of the outfit are blue. I pull on the white dress shirt, slipping on the blue coat over. I take a look at myself in the mirror.

I look like a boy. Even to myself. My structure has always been more masculine. Not in a muscle man kind of way, like, skinny thin guy. The guy who can't defend himself against bullies, and gets teased about looking like a girl. _It'll have to do._

I walk out of the mansion. I get in the limo, presuming by the way no one questioned it, they already knew. _Some loyal servants I've got._ "I'm sorry sir. You have the wrong limo." The driver, Ruki, says. I put on a smile. "Ah Ruki! Always out of the loop!" I say, a fake laugh in my voice.

"O-Oh Miss Saku. I didn't recognize you." He says. "It's fine Ruki. Hurry I don't wanna be late." I say. My act always works around my servants. Around my father. Around everyone. Everyone but Brother.

We pull up to the school along with the other limos. The school is pink. Of course. I put on a smile, watching as girls, unfortunately, watch my every move. Not in the evil, 'I'm going to kill you' kind of way like I'm used to. No. In the stalker, 'notice me senpai' kind of way.

I walk into the school, switching off of my real persona, and into bubbly happy rich boy, mode. Usually it would be rich 'girl' but given my circumstances. I bump into someone, knocking them to the ground. Their books and glasses splay onto the floor. "Sorry." Says the voice, unmistakably female.

"No need to apologize, it was my fault. I apologize, Miss…" I trail off, trying my best to be charming. "Fujioka, Haruhi Fujioka. Please stop flirting with me. It's gross." Haruhi says. I let out a real laugh, for the first time in years. "I'm Saku, Here's your books." I say, handing her the books I picked up while she was talking.

They look heavy, and she has no bag. _I'll carry them for her._ "So Haruhi, what class are you in?" I ask, a fake smile on my face. "Uh, 1-A. You?" She replies. "I'm in class 2-A. Your books look heavy. Let me help." I say, taking a little more than half her stack of books.

"Oh, Ok. Thanks." She says. If I had taken all of her books she would have protested. If you take nothing to help, you are considered rude, if you take all of the books, you've upset the person. Just take a little over half, to show that you know they can still handle carrying some of the books, and you just genuinely want to help.

We arrive at Haruhi's class and I walk in with her, putting her books on her desk. "There you go Fujioka, see you at lunch kay?" I say, walking out of the classroom. I walk to my class 2-A, and sit down in an empty seat.

Minutes later two people walk into class, they must be friends. I know them both. Blonde hair, purple eyes. Tamaki Suoh. And Black hair with glasses, that's someone I never wished to see again. Kyoya Ootori.

Unfortunately the only seats are beside me. _He won't remember you. You look different anyway._ "Excuse me sir? Are you new?" Suoh asks. "Yes I am! You must be Tamaki Suoh! I'm Saku, It's nice to meet you Suoh-san!" I say, putting on what I hope isn't too much enthusiasm.

"Aren't you just adorable! We are going to be great friends!" Tamaki says. "Thanks Suoh-san!" I reply, equally as enthusiastic. To them I am. On the inside I'm dying. _Why did I have to make friends with him? He's friends with Kyoya. Kyoya and I are enemies. Kyoya and this boy are complete opposites._

 _The Enemy of my Enemy is my friend right?_ In that case, Tamaki will be my companion. Not a friend. I don't need friends. I only need brother. That's it. All I'll ever need. The teacher walks in the class ceasing it's chatter.

"Today we have a new student, Class please welcome…..Uhm…" The teacher let's out an awkward cough. "Saku! His name is Saku!" Tamaki says, enthusiasm in his voice. I walk up to the front of the class. "It's nice to meet you all. I hope we can be good friends!" I say, putting on enthusiasm, while trying to look charming.

"Dear god there's two of them." I hear some boys whisper in the class. I walk back to my seat and sit next to Tamaki and Kyoya. "Nice work Saku!" Tamaki whisper shouts, smothering me in a hug. "Thanks Suoh-San!" I whisper shout back, returning the hug.

I hate hugging. And physical contact. It's awful really. Class ends, I'm lucky I wasn't called on. I zoned out the whole time. I already looked at my homework, I'll do it at lunch. I walk to class 1-A. "Fujioka, thought I might find you here." I say, a small smile on my face. She's like brother, she brings out the real me.

"Saku-Senpai, please come on in." She says, a nervous expression on her face. I sit in front of her, turning the chair around so I face her table. "Do you mind if I do some homework?" I ask. "N-Not at all." She says. _She's stuttering, it's working. But, I can't lie to her._

I finish math and science homework, but the tension is thick. _Can't handle it, gotta tell her. I won't get anything done at this rate._ "Fujioka, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Kay?" I say. I hear a sharp inhale. "Go on." She says, her voice majorly strained.

"I'm a girl." I say, it's nice blurting it out. Telling someone here. Haruhi let's out a breath. "Why are you faking being happy?" She asks. My breath catches in my throat. "You may think your act is foolproof. It isn't. That's why you close your eyes when you smile isn't it? So people don't see your eyes are dead." She says.

"Yeah. It is." I say, a bitter tone in my voice. "My mom died when I was 12, my brother is in the hospital. That's why I put on this persona. It was a promise to my mother." I explain. "My mom died when I was really young, I never knew her." Haruhi says.

"You're lucky." I say, looking out the window. "What?" She says, temper starting to flare up. "Chill out. I didn't mean in in a rude way. You are lucky. You never knew her, so you didn't have a connection with her. It's harder to lose someone you're close to, than someone you barely know." I say, a bored tone of voice.

Haruhi calms down. I get back to class, zoning out for that as well. I walk with Haruhi, trying to find a place to study. _Why have a library, if no one is there to read?_ "Music room three huh?" Haruhi says.

"Isn't it abandoned?" I ask. She nods pushing the door open. "Welcome." I hear, a blinding light making it so I can't see. "Saku!" Tamaki shouts. I put on a smile. "Suoh-san!" I reply. _I think. I just walked into… A host club._

Tamaki rambles on about something, Haruhi backing up. Does she not see the vase? My question is answered as she bumps into it. Trying to catch it and failing miserably.

So that is why Haruhi and I are at the store. Buying coffee. When we get back Tamaki makes a big fuss, over it being 'commoner' coffee. Haruhi starts making some for all the guests, and I take a cup.

I've had it before, it isn't bad. Club hours are over now. Finally. The Lolita takes Haruhi's glasses. Tamaki goes into a craze, making her a host. "Haruhi San! You look so adorable!" I shout. Tamaki analyzes me.

 _Please no._ "I have an idea!" _God no._ "Saku gets to be a host as well!" _Damn it._ "That'll be great!" I shout, fake enthusiasm. "Seems how I'm already the princely type, Saku gets to be the little prince type!" Tamaki announces.

I look at the time on my phone. _Hospital visiting hours start now._ "Hey, I have to go now! See you all tomorrow!" I shout, running out of the room. "Ruki, let's go to the hospital now. Kay?" I say.

He nods, driving to the hospital. I get out, walking to the front desk. "Hello Suki. He's been waiting for you." The receptionist says. I walk to brother's room. "Hey Kazan." I say.

"Hey Suki, they don't think I'll last much longer." He says, a sad smile on his face. "Don't say that, you look fine." I say. He shakes his head, laughing a bit.

I stay, talking a bit. Soon though I leave to go home. I get in the limo. My phone starts to ring. I look at the caller ID. _Akito._ "How is he?" He asks. "Doing fine." I say, hanging up after.

I head straight to my room, setting my head down on my pillow. _Night mom._ Sleep and darkness envelope me.

 _ **Will I ever let in the light?**_

 _ **Hey guys! How is it so far? Last time I checked, this story had 100+ views! It's better than most of my other stories have done so far. Please tell me what you think in the comments!**_

 _ **~ nottheonlyfangirl**_


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